You Never Know!

You never know what people are going through on a daily basis.  I would go to church every Sunday smiling all the way from the moment I walked in until I left to go back home.  No one ever knew the pain I felt within my heart.  I laughed and smiled as if life was great all the while never allowing people to know what was really going on.  I would return back to a place that felt so empty; never felt like home but it was where I lived.  Everyday I went to work - a job I hated - and smiled everyday met with clients did my work and returned home.  You can only do this for so long before you begin to lose your mind and hope that it would come to an end very soon.  With the numbness, depression, forgetfulness, taking care of my child (or trying to anyway), not remembering to drop her off at daycare, and the worst moment of all was having the strong urge to commit suicide I just couldn't take life anymore.  One day I drove over to the Institute of Living at Hartford Hospital and walked into the outpatient area (Yes, I did!) crying and screaming as loud as I could.  I sat in the lobby and a nurse came out to greet me she sat with me while I cried waiting for me to talk.  She never spoke but she patiently waited me for to stop crying before asking any questions.   Finally, after at least 30 minutes she let me tell my story and from that point I on I was in oupatient for a year before I stopped going.  I thank God that she was there, I thank God for her patience and I just thank God!