Grateful

Here I go once again recovering from major surgery for the 11th year in a row.  I don't ask God "Why" anymore.  Just go with the flow from now on.  Today is Thanksgiving and I have a LOT to be thankful for.  Successful surgery, blessed with friends and family who have been visiting for the past week, beautiful daughter who loves me, and a God who has brought me a long way.  What more could I ask for?!  While I am recovering, I can take this time to update my blog more often.   I guess this is God's way of making me rest in Him and spend more time with Him.....for that I am grateful!!!

Celebrate Life!!

I just recently celebrated my 42nd birthday.   What a great time I had at the beach with my bff to share with me on my special day.   Every year that I can celebrate a new birthday I praise God all the more because doctors did not think that I would see my 38th birthday.  We realize that we take health for granted once our health becomes a challenge for us.   I am grateful to God that my daughter still has a mother, that I can continue to fulfill God's purpose for my life, and celebrate with those who love and care about me.....so today, and everyday, I celebrate LIFE!!!

Whew!!!!! It's been a minute

Wow!!  So much has transpired since I wrote my last entry.  Let's see.  Where do I begin?   In March I traveled to Alabama to see my best friend who lost her father.  I had not seen her in several years and I had not seen her parents in six years.  It was good to see everyone, but unfortunately, not under those circumstances.   Alot of Bethel people from South Carolina were there and we all had a great time together while supporting Mrs. Pruitt in the loss of her husband.   When I returned to Hartford, I had officially been accepted as one of the new chaplains for the WNBA Connecticut Sun.  I am excited and looking forward to serving in sports ministry by having an opportunity to lead chapel before game tipoff each week between June and September.   What a blessing this will be !!!   About two weeks after that I was appointed to a mission church while at the New England Annual Conference.   So far so good.   The church is going well.  There is a lot to familiarize myself with - ministry and administratively.   I am looking forward to the many blessings that God will bestow upon us (the church and myself) as I serve my time there.   Thankfully, I already knew most of them because I had the privilege of serving there while Rev. Brenda Lammie (also my mentor in the ministry) was the pastor.  Now I am wearing a new hat.   God has already blessed me with so many ideas to do for the church in order to help them become financially sound.   Bible Study, Food Pantry, YPD, Youth Choir, Sunday School, Morning Worship, revivals, and lots lots more.   What comes to mind is the passage of scripture.....No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind can conceive what God will do for those who love Him.  I think I have said enough for now.  Whew!!!!  It really has been a minute!   God bless!

Not what I expected...

The Lord has an interesting way of using our gifts and showing us what we can do even when we think that we are not capable.  All this time I "thought" that God was calling me to a different/unique type of ministry by founding the nonprofit, God's Glorious Girls,  to combat teen dating violence which has already been done.   What I am surprised about is the dream I had back in October showing me that I would be appointed to a church.  I woke up the next day still not believing what the Lord had already shown me.  Then I was hit upside the head again when the Lord spoke louder letting me know that the church is really going to happen.  All the while I was questioning the nonprofit and how that fits, the Lord went ahead and answered that question too showing me just how the two can be put together to enhance the ministry and advance God's Kingdom.   The appointment is coming up very soon and I receive what God has for me.   I already know that God will supply but it is not what I expected...

Be Encouraged!

Oprah said, "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo but what you need is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."  This statement continues to resonate in my spirit and I think it is because I am very sensitive to having that person that we will be there for each other no matter what.  This is a girlfriend (or more than one) who is a ride or die partner that no matter who you are or what happens to you, where you live, what you look like, etc will always be the one to come through for you in difficult times.  We all need each other.   I have been hurt by numerous people (family or friend) that sometimes it does not seem like this statement is possible for me....although I know it to be true.  I am so very sensitive to the needs of others that when they do not reciprocate it can be a very painful process to work through.  However, I will never allow these incidents to change who I am as a person.  I will continue to love, be positive, be encouraged and strive for excellence throughout all of life's ups and downs.  We all have a specific purpose in life and it is important that we fulill God's Will to the best of our ability.  So even if it means that we lose friends along the way....it only prepares us to receive BETTER friends in the process.  So for those of you who do not have a friend like this yet,  you will soon.  The right people will enter your life and you have to be ready to receive them when they come.  Continue to be positive and allow God's light to shine forth in the midst of darkness.  There will be dark times but we don't have to stay there.  Continue to give, to love, and show respect to others even when it is difficult.  God will bless us for being a blessing to someone else.  I thank God everyday for the ones who God has blessed me with who will ride, walk, run, or swim with me no matter the circumstances.

The Other Side of Through

Since my last posting, the pastor preached "Change is Gonna Come"  I am so thankful to God for the confirmation.  Not only am I getting my physical house in order, but also my spiritual house as well.  Lately, I have been ridding my spirit of all negativities, toxins, bad people, foolishness, or anything else that makes my stomach hurt.  I have a great feeling that God is going to bless in a mighty way and I am ready for what that may be.  Excitement is all over my face and it is running through my veins.  There is much to be thankful for and I just want to be obedient to God's will.  In the areas of Love, Health, Wealth, and Happiness I feel deep down in my soul that there will be major positive changes that will affect me for the rest of my life.  God has seen how long I have suffered so I cannot thank God enough for bringing me to other side of through.  Thank you Lord!!  Hallelujah!!

Change Gone Come

2011 Bring it on!!!  I am so excited to what God is going to do this year.  In the latter part of 2010 into the new year, all I kept hearing was "Get Your House In Order".  Well during my vacation I started doing just that....clearing my house of anything that I don't use anymore.  Cleaning rooms, basement, purging, re-arranging, re-organizing....anything to get my house in order.   It feels really good when I walk in my house to see that everything is right where it needs to be so when God moves there will not be much to do but pack up and exit stage right.  God's Glorious Girls, Inc was founded in April 2010 and God has been blessing that ministry tremendously.  During the holiday break, I started writing my next book, "No Stranger".  It's been a long time coming and I know that Change Gone Come.

Can You Feel It!!

Can you FEEL IT!  Can you FEEL IT!  Can you FEEL IT!  Lately, words cannot express how good I feel.  Physically, emotionally, mentally, I just feel good ALL over.  God has been blessing me!!!  My non-profit organization has been taking off with scheduled workshops into 2011, media exposure, name awareness, new website, volunteers, and so much more.   Thank you Lord for ALL you are doing for me, for my family, for this non-profit, and for all of those whom I love very much.  2011 is going to be a GREAT year and I am looking forward to all that is in store.  To you God be all the honor and glory!!

Be Ready

We have to be careful what we ask of the Lord because then we have to be ready for the answer.  We may ask God to help us make a major decision in our lives and the answer we get may not always be the answer we are looking for.  Depending on what the answer is will require us to do a lot of work on our part.  Now, whether we want to do the work is another story.   We make plans....God laughs.   We ask for help in making decisions...but then not satisfied with the answer.   The point is if you are asking, then BE READY.

God is doing a NEW thing!!!!

There is something good getting ready to happen!  I can feel it!  I'm sitting at the edge of my seat with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.  Many, many blessings have been bestowed upon me and I want to thank God for all of them.  This is a new season and a new day.  Recent founder of a non-profit organization this year called, God's Glorious Girls, Inc. to prevent and intervene teen dating violence in the Greater Hartford area.  God has given me vision for short and long term goals.  We will soon make our first appearance at the Women of Color Expo the weekend of November 13-14th.  My pastor recently appointed me to Assistant Teacher; and, I am now the Minister of Discipleship classes.  There are some committed servants who are doing well and I thank God for them.  There are great things happening everywhere!!!  To God be ALL the glory!!!!!

Trust in God

The past few weeks have been adventurous in the spiritual realm.  There is a move of God in my life that I cannot explain but all I can do is say "Yes, Lord to Your will and to Your way".  The people in my life don't "look" the same...they don't "act" the same.  This may not make any sense what I am saying but God is allowing me to see things in people that I have never experienced before.  All I can do is trust God!  Trust that God is going to protect me in the midst of the storm.  Last night I dreamed about bears.  A bear was pursuing me everywhere I went and if I left the door open the bear would try to come in.   The symbolism of a bear in your dreams is the same as a snake....destructive, evil curse, opposition.  All I can do is thank God for the warning that someone or something negative is out to hurt me but God will not allow them to touch me.  It's important that we listen to God when God is speaking to us.  The methods of communication may not always be the way we think but God is still communicating.  When we're given the warning signs all we can do is TRUST!!!

Give God the Praise!!!

Depression is a serious disease.  Many of us have our share of ups and downs with it every now and then.  Some people think that because I wear a collar that I don't experience bouts of depression from time to time.  Well wrong!  I am here in the flesh like everyone else and I go through life's struggles like everyone else.  I was at my lowest when I wanted to commit suicide.  If I had a gun that night it would have been all over with.  There was no reason for me to be here anymore.   There was no reason for me to live anymore.  I don't know why I felt that way.  I was eight months pregnant sitting in the mall parking lot in Hampton Virginia crying my eyes out wondering why I couldn't function the way others did when they were pregnant.  I didn't understand why the sciatica was so bad that I was practically handicapped.  I felt like no one else around me understood what I was going through.  All the pain I had in my body everyday for as long as I could remember (I don't know maybe 8 years old) and now just getting worse and worse and for what reason.  All my life all I knew was physical pain.   And now I knew emotional and mental pain too.  What was the point in me living?  What was I going to be able to offer my child?  I couldn't do anything but be in pain all the time!  Does anyone know how that felt?  I didn't want to hurt my baby so I thought long and hard about hurting myself.  I think that's what saved me and that is why I'm still here today.  There's a song that reaches down to my soul by Kurt Carr " I Almost Let Go".  Every time I hear it I cry.  It brings me to my knees because "I almost let go and He held me close so I wouldn't let go.  God's mercy kept me so I wouldn't let go."  When I hear those words it always brings me back to that time in the parking lot when I felt my worst and I thank God for saving me, for lifting me, for holding me close, so I couldn't, so I wouldn't let go.
If you haven't been there, then pray that you never get there.  If you have been there, then pray that you never go back there again.  Get professional help.  The church is not enough.  It's the loneliest place in the world to be.   I have dealt with bouts of depression numerous times since then but not to that extent.  I have been on medication.  I have slept, didn't want to get out of bed, wore the same clothes for days at a time, didn't want to bathe, didn't want to eat, didn't want to get dressed, just not function at all but God had mercy on my soul.  The valley is never too low that God can't bring you to the mountaintop and for this I give Him all the praise!

Be still and listen

Some of you have been wondering where I've been lately but I don't move without the direction of the Lord.  It's important that we take time to hear what God is saying to us so if that means being still then let it be so.  I've been listening to God about some very important people in my life.  We have to allow God to use us even at times when we don't think it's necessary.  Who are we to tell God what we think?  God is going to use us anyway.  To make a long story short.  I have one child but God always uses me in the lives of many, many children.  Sometimes I get upset and wonder why I have to do it but I contribute anyway and keep it moving.  Then when I look back over it later I understand.  You know God has a way of using us to His benefit in ways that we never thought possible; in ways that we never thought we would be used; in ways that we didn't think we could be used; in ways that we wonder "Well why is God using me?".  Somebody out there knows what I'm talking about.  Sometimes life just doesn't make any sense but we go along with what God says to do anyway.  So God I surrender to you...I am listening to you...I am being obedient to you...Yes, I know that makes you so happy...like a parent with a child.  I am doing my best.  So when you haven't heard from me now you know why.  I'm being still.  I'm listening.

Listen and Obey

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God".  When I hear that Scripture over and over again in my spirit I must be obedient to God's message.  Just be still because God is trying to tell me something.  The only way I will hear him is to stop what I am doing and listen.  You know when we are so busy doing other things (usually it is something that could wait) we miss what God is trying to say to us.  Sit on the couch, sit on the bed, sit on the floor, sit at the kitchen table....wherever it is just sit down.  Make yourself a prayer closet, a prayer space, a prayer room but take the time to give God time out of your day everyday.  It is the same as when we are talking then we are not listening.   Well if we are moving around then we are not listening either.  God has unsual methods of communicating with us...ways of getting our attention.  We must be open to what that is and what God is saying to us.  We may not always like what God is telling us but we must be obedient.  Be obedient to God's Word.  Be obedient to God's message.  You will be glad you did.

God has blessed you...

When you love someone no matter how much you try to fight it just follow your heart.  The head may try to do one thing but the heart always wins.  God may have placed that person in your life for a reason but you may not be aware of the reason yet.  God has a plan...but remember we make our own plans and God laughs. :)  You may think that it feels too good be true....no such thing because love is not supposed to hurt.  Just take what God has blessed you with and enjoy because if you let it go that blessing may never come around again.  If this love feels right then let is be so.  That is the way God intended it to be.

Good Girlfriends!

It's nice to have a few good girlfriends to call on when you need to talk.  You don't need a lot.  One or two is good.  Girlfriends that you can confide in and you know it is not going anywhere...now that is a true friend.  We all need girlfriends like that.  We can just hang out together have a glass of wine, laugh and tell each other stories, watch movies, and just have a good time.  Sometimes I fall asleep on them when they come to my house for movie night.  But they still love my anyhow (I think :)!  If you don't have anything else, make sure you have some good girlfriends in your life because they will be there until the end.  God Bless!

Dreams will come true...

God has blessed me with a beautiful daughter.  My pregnancy was very difficult.  I was on bedrest for the whole nine months with sciatica (which is a nerve that is in your back that runs down the back of your leg - very very painful) I started off with a limp, then a cane, then a walker, then a wheelchair towards the end of the pregnancy.  I am sharing all of this to say that all of the pain that I have had since I gave birth has been nothing but great joy ever since.  Perri has been a blessing to me.  She makes me laugh.  She's a great kid.  She does well in school.  She is currently an honors student consecutively each quarter beginning as a sophomore in September at University High School of Science and Engineering on UHART's campus studying for a future in medicine.  Who would've thunk?  I took her on a tour of Hampton University this year because she has her mind made up that she will be attending there after graduation and had never set foot on the campus.  As soon as we arrived she said "Mom, you can drop me off now".  So my prayer is that she will be attending Hampton Univ in the Fall of 2013 because her little heart is set on that school to matriculate in a dual program in medicine.  Hallelujah!!!  My baby will be college bound sooner than we think.  I better keep saving my pennies, nickels, and dimes Whew!  I thank God for her everyday and I will make sure that her dreams will come true.

AME WIM Quadrennial

I went to the A.M.E. Women in Ministry Quadrennial last week.  Whew!  It fed my soul.  I was blessed to be around some anointed sistahs....Dr. Teresa Fry Brown, Sandra Blair, Jacquelyn Grant-Collier, Lillian Frier-Webb, Renita Weems, Bishop Vashti McKenzie, Bishop Sarah Frances Davis, Bishop Carolyn Tyler Guidry, and the list goes on and on and on.  To God be the Glory for all the great things He has done!  What a blessed time we had in the workshops, in the worship services, at the Jarena Lee gravesite, at the luncheon, at the prayer breakfast.  When I say we had sistah talk...you couldn't get any better than this.  We walked away clothed in our right minds. LOL  For those of you who missed it, you missed a spirit-filled three days by some anointed preachers and teachers.  We learned a lot and we were able to go back home re-fueled until the next conference.  One of the books I highly recommend, please see below.

"This peace I have..."

When God gives you peace, no one can take it away.  It is an inner joy, an inner quietness that oozes from the soul.  Something that makes you feel good from the inside out so that no matter what is going on around you no matter how chaotic life may be you are still cool, calm, and collected.  Your smile is no longer on the surface but coming from within.  There's a light that shines from the inside out.  You no longer worry, the heart no longer races, the mind longer paces back and forth...but like the ocean there is peace in the waves as they move along the shore.  You can't buy this.  Only God can give it to you.  I thank God everyday for the joy I feel, for the love I feel, and, for most of all, the peace I feel everyday of my life.  This peace I have the world didn't give it and the world can't take it way.

Finding God

Have you ever been in a room full of people, yet, still felt all alone?  Like you were the only one in the midst of all of those people?  Too often I have felt like that but I have continued to smile and socialize anyway as if everything was alright.  I thank God for the bad times and I thank God for the good because it was in those bad times that now I appreciate the good that much more.  We have stood in that place and talked only to feel like no one was listening or no one could hear us..we were in a box - no one cared (or at least it felt that way).  Sometimes I felt that even God didn't love me.  Deep down inside there was something missing from my life and I had to search long and hard to find what that was.  The key here is that I did not want to stay in that place.  We have to want to move out of the valley.  Finding God was the best thing that ever happened to me.  God has been in my life since I was 18 years old but just for a while I had lost my way.  It happens sometimes.  Once I got back on track, the sun continued to rise never to set again.